Tuesday, December 11, 2018

The Adventures of Dakman! Episode 13

Sometimes you just gotta be creative-

Last Sunday, our heroes were trapped during a life-and-death struggle (playoff life-and-death that is) with the Wentzer and his gang of Dirty Birds. What had been a walk through the park had turned into a major brawl. Dakman and LVE, the Boy Wolfhunter,  are overcome, tied up, and left to face fire and a bunch of mad birds. Can Dakman and LVE escape the Wentzer’s clutches?

“Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Dakman-
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Dakman!”

Dakman and LVE are surrounded by fire and birds that are flying around them trying to peck them to death.

LVE: Holy Birds of a Filthy Feather, Dakman! The Legion of Doomsday Defense and the Z-Men are down, and we’re surrounded by fire and a bunch of birds, which look like eagles!

Dakman: Yes, LVE- this is a horrible usage of our nation’s bird. I was off the mark with my Dakarangs, which went over everyone’s heads and wound up igniting those Christmas trees, causing this (cough) terrible fire. Our compatriots may be down, (cough) but all isn’t lost…..yet!

LVE: Holy Smoke, Dakman! You have a plan?

Dakman: I always have a plan, old chum. If I can reach these Dak-bombs of mine in my utility belt, we may have a chance to win this….yet!

LVE: Holy Out-of-the-frying-pan-and-into-the-fire!! What good will those do??

The Wentzer: You’ll never escape, Dakman! Never! The Super Bowl trophy will be ours AGAIN!!! Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!

Dakman: I got them! Here goes-!

Dakman throws three Dak-bombs high in the air. Suddenly, someone comes flying in from nowhere to CATCH them!

The Wentzer: Oh no! Is it a bird?

LVE: Is it a plane?

Dakman: No, it’s SUPER-COOPER-MAN! He catches everything I throw! (Except for the Dakarangs.) Glad to have you here, Super-Cooper-Man!

Super-Cooper-Man: Glad to be of service! First, I’ll douse these flames with these giant buckets of Gatorade I found next door, then I’ll get rid of all these birds!

The Wentzer: Does anybody got a piece of RAIDERITE???

Gruger-Hillster: No- Grudenmaster got rid of all of it!!!

The Wentzer: Damn him!!!!…By the way, WHO THE HECK ARE YOU???

Super-Cooper-Man puts out the fire and the birds. He frees Dakman and LVE. That leaves the Wentzer and his unknown men to be taken care of.

Super-Cooper-Man: Go to it, Cowboy Crusaders!

LVE: Holy Licking-My-Chops! I thought you’d never ask!

60 minutes plus 10 minutes of overtime of knocked out, choked out, and crying Eagles later:

Dakman: Great job, everyone! The Wentzer and his men are out like fullbacks, Jeff Fisher, and run-and-shoot offenses!

LVE: Good one, Dakman.

Dakman: Thank you. Call Commissioner Goodell and tell him to send Chief Garrett to come get these scum. Our job is done.

Because over the horizon lurks….LEX LUCK!!!
And he wants to add the Cowboy Crusaders to his hit list!
Will he succeed where so many have failed?
Will he be the one to stop Garrett from clapping??
Will he set the ultimate trap and keep our heroes from reaching the playoffs???